No...this isn't about politics...this is about the world at large...and here is my story of the decline of the civilized world...
...last night in a horrible miscalculation of responsible behavior...I decided not to go out and and tie one on...but to stay in, watch TV, rest and wake up early the next morning because i am headed out to Orlando for a few days...I set my alarm for 9am...went to bed around midnight...and woke to the sound of that infernal machine...
...got up...quick shower...cursed the morning for being so early...headed off to do my errands...some clothes shopping...but a charger for my new MP3 player...the new Zen...very good by the way...and get some snacks for the plane...
...now granted...I have not been up early and outside to do anything productive in a long time...i do awake early for soccer matches...go to the bar...or pull tubes and watch from the comfort of my own bed...but that is far from productive...it is the opposite of productive...and for that I am happy with myself all day...my immaturity fills me with a sense of purpose...the purpose of having no purpose...but I digress...
...so I go out to tj maxx...i need shorts...not paying 50 bucks...i want to pay 20...well...i get there at 9:27...and guess what...it's closed until 10am...so curse TJ Maxx...wish harm on his family and that his first child is a masculine child...and a girl....
...dive to Burlington Coat Factory...a surprisingly good store with good deals...THE FUCKING PLACE IS CLOSED AND OPENS AT 10AM...WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!
...so I stop screaming at a Filipino woman long enough to smash a homeless man begging for change, kick a puppy and swear to God Almighty I will one day club a baby seal for this outrage...
...I drive off in a huff and go to Circuit City to buy the charger for my snazzy new MP3/Video player...and...you got it...IT OPENS AT MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING ASS RAPING POUR SUGAR IN A NUN'S GAS TANK 10am!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?????
...I am livid...despite it being 9:54 I decide that I am going to drive my car headlong into a bus full of special needs kids...fuck 'em...life is hard...deal with the horror...embrace the horror...thankfully that bus driver had a mild case of doan syndrome and was able to swear just enough where i missed him but ran over a picture of a happy family playing with their Litebrite...yes...my anger transported me to 1979...fuck you.
Arriving safely back in 2008...or whatever foul year this is...I begrudgingly did my errands and went back on my way...hey...let's stop at Wal-mart...they are always open...corporate greed and the desire to keep 12 year old Thai girls off their backs and making discounted clothing will keep Wal-mart open 24 hours forever...
...i buy some stuff...one of the items is an auto epoxy...needed to fix a small hole in my coolant overflow tank...yes ladies...this face and he fixes shit too...embrace the moistness...
...when i get to the checkout line and scan the epoxy it turns out that I need wal-mart to approve of my purchase...to make sure i am not under 18...or a total blathering degenerate...good thing they don't do background checks...i ask the woman...why do i need to be approved for something as stupid as an auto puddy...well you hulking piece of manliness the kids like to use this to get high...well, thank you my pudgy admirer...but whatever happened to heroin...she laughed at my humor...she wanted it...she wanted it bad...
...sorry...I passed out for a few second and woke up in a puddle of my own vomit...last time I snort Special K and try to blog...I hope I didn't write anything weird...
...so...it all dawned on me...this fucking world is being destroyed by slackers...and not my fellow slackers...the ones who have jobs...work hard to make money to buy good drugs and do them to wretched excess on the weekends...no...these fucking idiots don't want to go to their shit jobs on the weekend before 10am...and they don't want to take the time to find some good drugs...will they not know the joys of shooting heroin...the pleasure in taking too much PCP and waking up with six strangers in a house that you have never seen before...in a town you never knew existed...three states and six days away from your starting point...will they never experience the pure unadulterated joy of finding an opium den...only to realize after a month and 1200 dollars that it was just some Chinese guys parent's basement and because you squatted so long it is now your responsibility to skin the dog for dinner? Throwing up out a moving car only to have it hit the guy in the backseat because the eight ball you just jacked up caused you to forget to roll down the window...or face the window...or tell the person to move. What will happen to these kids if they never have the thrill of getting so high on ICE that every stick of everything you own soon becomes a story that begins "Dude, I sold that..."
...these watershed moments are gone forever...and only in a shit generation where kids huff gas, abuse pills...and huff auto epoxy could Justin Timberlake be a star...could anyone give a fuck about Lindsay Lohan...or buy a cup of coffee for 6 dollars...when I was a kid...and I may be dating myself here...but I don't care...I date myself quite often...only because I am easy...not because i like me...but we had a word for people like this...jerk offs.
...now I guess I am just too old...and I am not going to fight with idiots anymore...i promised myself that after I kicked the shit out of Vin Diesel in a a parking lot of Dr. Spuddsters's Potato Bar and Laundry Mat...standing on his lumpy neck kick his head while he screamed "not the face, for the love of Satan not the face"...I said to myself...Thor...this isn't going to do any good...he is an idiot...and now you have lowered yourself to his level...and worse...he doesn't even understand his level...I let him up after a few hours...and promised myself i would change...Thor...you're doing the right thing I said to myself...
...am I? He will undoubtedly go on to torture generations with his shit movies and his inability to realize what a fucking idiot he is...
...not your problem Thor...you have more pressing issues...I do...yes...you do...repack the bowl...buy some more nitrous...and for God sake release Rico Suave...he's served his time...
...it isn't easy being magnanimous...it isn't easy...
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