Salt of the Earth

Most people like to think that when things go well "all is right with the universe" or it is all "part of the plan." What happens when the great river leads us down the wrong path...when we wander into a world we should have never been a part of...a path that should have never been followed. Can fate fuck up? Can destiny be mistaken? Is it possible for God to make a mistake.

I don';t know...but I feel like there is a sign...a feeling...a reaction that clues us into the error. Perhaps we can't explain the feeling so far down that the signal is degraded to the point of near obscurity. An instinct that tells our brain that there is something not quite right...but we ignore it.

I think of my own existence...the paths, the roads...the good...the bad...the mistakes...the successes. I wonder where the moment of life that should have happened took place. I wonder if someone can be going down the right path....and meet someone who is not.

The overwhelming urge to run. The fleeting moment of panic. The split second of uncertainty. The nearly undetectable flash of trepidation. So easily put out of our minds, so easily ignored, so easily overlooked, so easily forgotten.

Unfortunately, the butterfly effect takes over...that feeling intensifies..it overwhelms...in seconds, minutes, hours, days, months...but it gets lost in the seas of emotions surrounding the inadvertent travel...the bricks of emotion...of circumstances...of events...of actions...of all the results of a travel that should have never occurred.

I believe that the most painful will be the bewilderment of being on that right path...meeting that person who is not...how can one road be so right and one element be so out of place?

Decline of Western Civilization...part 10 (not political)

No...this isn't about politics...this is about the world at large...and here is my story of the decline of the civilized world...

...last night in a horrible miscalculation of responsible behavior...I decided not to go out and and tie one on...but to stay in, watch TV, rest and wake up early the next morning because i am headed out to Orlando for a few days...I set my alarm for 9am...went to bed around midnight...and woke to the sound of that infernal machine...

...got up...quick shower...cursed the morning for being so early...headed off to do my errands...some clothes shopping...but a charger for my new MP3 player...the new Zen...very good by the way...and get some snacks for the plane...

...now granted...I have not been up early and outside to do anything productive in a long time...i do awake early for soccer matches...go to the bar...or pull tubes and watch from the comfort of my own bed...but that is far from productive...it is the opposite of productive...and for that I am happy with myself all day...my immaturity fills me with a sense of purpose...the purpose of having no purpose...but I digress...

...so I go out to tj maxx...i need shorts...not paying 50 bucks...i want to pay 20...well...i get there at 9:27...and guess what...it's closed until 10am...so curse TJ Maxx...wish harm on his family and that his first child is a masculine child...and a girl....

...dive to Burlington Coat Factory...a surprisingly good store with good deals...THE FUCKING PLACE IS CLOSED AND OPENS AT 10AM...WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

...so I stop screaming at a Filipino woman long enough to smash a homeless man begging for change, kick a puppy and swear to God Almighty I will one day club a baby seal for this outrage...

...I drive off in a huff and go to Circuit City to buy the charger for my snazzy new MP3/Video player...and...you got it...IT OPENS AT MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING ASS RAPING POUR SUGAR IN A NUN'S GAS TANK 10am!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?????

...I am livid...despite it being 9:54 I decide that I am going to drive my car headlong into a bus full of special needs kids...fuck 'em...life is hard...deal with the horror...embrace the horror...thankfully that bus driver had a mild case of doan syndrome and was able to swear just enough where i missed him but ran over a picture of a happy family playing with their Litebrite...yes...my anger transported me to 1979...fuck you.

Arriving safely back in 2008...or whatever foul year this is...I begrudgingly did my errands and went back on my way...hey...let's stop at Wal-mart...they are always open...corporate greed and the desire to keep 12 year old Thai girls off their backs and making discounted clothing will keep Wal-mart open 24 hours forever...

...i buy some stuff...one of the items is an auto epoxy...needed to fix a small hole in my coolant overflow tank...yes ladies...this face and he fixes shit too...embrace the moistness...

...when i get to the checkout line and scan the epoxy it turns out that I need wal-mart to approve of my purchase...to make sure i am not under 18...or a total blathering degenerate...good thing they don't do background checks...i ask the woman...why do i need to be approved for something as stupid as an auto puddy...well you hulking piece of manliness the kids like to use this to get high...well, thank you my pudgy admirer...but whatever happened to heroin...she laughed at my humor...she wanted it...she wanted it bad...

...sorry...I passed out for a few second and woke up in a puddle of my own vomit...last time I snort Special K and try to blog...I hope I didn't write anything weird...

...so...it all dawned on me...this fucking world is being destroyed by slackers...and not my fellow slackers...the ones who have jobs...work hard to make money to buy good drugs and do them to wretched excess on the weekends...no...these fucking idiots don't want to go to their shit jobs on the weekend before 10am...and they don't want to take the time to find some good drugs...will they not know the joys of shooting heroin...the pleasure in taking too much PCP and waking up with six strangers in a house that you have never seen before...in a town you never knew existed...three states and six days away from your starting point...will they never experience the pure unadulterated joy of finding an opium den...only to realize after a month and 1200 dollars that it was just some Chinese guys parent's basement and because you squatted so long it is now your responsibility to skin the dog for dinner? Throwing up out a moving car only to have it hit the guy in the backseat because the eight ball you just jacked up caused you to forget to roll down the window...or face the window...or tell the person to move. What will happen to these kids if they never have the thrill of getting so high on ICE that every stick of everything you own soon becomes a story that begins "Dude, I sold that..."

...these watershed moments are gone forever...and only in a shit generation where kids huff gas, abuse pills...and huff auto epoxy could Justin Timberlake be a star...could anyone give a fuck about Lindsay Lohan...or buy a cup of coffee for 6 dollars...when I was a kid...and I may be dating myself here...but I don't care...I date myself quite often...only because I am easy...not because i like me...but we had a word for people like this...jerk offs.

...now I guess I am just too old...and I am not going to fight with idiots anymore...i promised myself that after I kicked the shit out of Vin Diesel in a a parking lot of Dr. Spuddsters's Potato Bar and Laundry Mat...standing on his lumpy neck kick his head while he screamed "not the face, for the love of Satan not the face"...I said to myself...Thor...this isn't going to do any good...he is an idiot...and now you have lowered yourself to his level...and worse...he doesn't even understand his level...I let him up after a few hours...and promised myself i would change...Thor...you're doing the right thing I said to myself...

...am I? He will undoubtedly go on to torture generations with his shit movies and his inability to realize what a fucking idiot he is...

...not your problem Thor...you have more pressing issues...I do...yes...you do...repack the bowl...buy some more nitrous...and for God sake release Rico Suave...he's served his time...

...it isn't easy being magnanimous...it isn't easy...

Dark Day

In my attempt to blog about the mundane, and the pure excitement of the event...I must say...GO SEE THE DARK KNIGHT! I hate recommending movies, but this one deserves it. I can't and won't say anything that hasn't been said before, but I will give my review. Great...there you have it. It isn't your ordinary superhero movie, it has a depth, complexity and shading of characters that is not found in busllshit art house film.

There is an overarching theme that is brilliant, simple, and profound. People will immediately dismiss it because it is a "superhero movie." It is much, much more than that. It was brilliantly shot, acted, written, directed and produced.

We saw it in IMAX and if you have access to an IMAX theater...GO!!! We have perfect seats and the first 5 minutes it felt like I was sucked into the scenery, and observer of a real life epic. I remember the movie "Dreamscape" and if you saw it...I felt like Dennis Quaid when he would enter patients dreams...a voyeur surrounded by a tale...powerless to stop...not that I would have wanted to.

Of course the 600lb elephant is Heath Ledger...watching his performance and knowing that he is dead made every brilliant second he was on the screen that much more chilling. Ledger's performance easily goes down as the best comic villain portrayed on the large screen. The comic genius of Jack Nicholson's Joker is easily...easily...forgotten the first time Ledger appears on the screen. They may be the same character, but they are as far from each other as they could possible be. Ledger did the smart thing, he played it like he wasn't wearing the make up or the suit...he was just a fucked up guy who wanted to hurt the world. That's it. Any pain he could cause was for sport and for fun...his own fun. If you strip away the make up, and Batman's mask, the story would still work...it has worked in other films. Add the "superhero" stuff and it is actually and addition to the story the way it is done here. Not like Spiderman 3 where everything was bad.

Very few things were not good about this film. Maggie Gyllenhaal is the love interest, but she is not attractive and not that good of an actress in it. And here is one critique probably not said about an almost 3 hour movie...but I could have seen more. I would have liked to have seen more. I think some parts were rushed when they shouldn't have been...but time constraints for a theatrical release required it. Other than that is was perfect. Best picture of the year for sure.

See it, and see it in Imax if you can.

One thing about IMAX...it is such an amazing viewing experience that it really does ruin you for non-IMAX movies. The size, the clarity, the sound...it is just leaps and bounds above the regular movie theater movies.

The Gain of Loss

I usually start these stupid glimpses into my stupid mind with a topic...today is more of the same. It is interesting when you keep your eyes open for patterns you will find them...if they are there or not...but if you look...you will see them...real or not. This week I was constantly reminded of the idea of loss and gain, gain and loss, the gain of loss and the loss of all we have gained. I imagine that most weeks of most peoples lives the same theme runs through their day to day experiences. Sometimes we notice if they are big enough...Katrina...or if they are personal enough. I am not sure what initially brought it to my attention...or if it is every truly far my conscious thoughts. I know that it is something that intrigues me.

I am not sure if I listed all of the experiences, stories, and thoughts of loss and gain it would make much sense to anyone else...but I will highlight just a few. In the last few weeks I gained a job...lost a place to live...probably lost a friend...gained perspective and gained some much needed independence. I have watched someone gain someone...but lost their identity and lost all of the things that ones mattered to them. I saw someone lose something very valuable to them, and I watched a few people gain a second chance...a lifeline in these hard times. I heard someone lose they trusted...I heard someone lose a piece of their soul...I heard them not care.

Everywhere around me for the last few weeks it has been the living breathing zero sum game. Maybe I was sensitive to it because I was in a position of several large losses recently...and several very large gains. The general ups and downs of life exaggerated for someone as thick as I am. There is a loss way to look at this and a gain way to think of this...the loss way is to be frustrated at the constant up and down of life...the moment you find equilibrium life comes and fucks it all up. The gain way is to think that there is a natural balancing act in life...as bad as it can be...as difficult as times may get...there is that equilibrium that comes...the good times come back...loss can be a gain...loss allows for other types of gains...life eventually rights itself...it may take time...it may not right itself the way you want or when you want...but that is the beauty. The unexpected direction life takes...new avenues...new people...new thoughts...new moments...none of this is original or even much different than some things I have written previously...it is just on my mind. It makes me think of Candide...


Random Ramblings...

- I am constantly impressed with someone who has a complete expertise in a subject. Someone who can identify real art from forgeries...detect different types of woods on sight...appraise antiques...restore books...identify different types of plants...etc. To be an expert, truly and expert in one field, to have that kind of knowledge impresses me.

- Albuquerque looks like a good town...very colorful at night...which surprised me. If I knew that we would have spent the night on our trek west....which brings me to something...

- I want to say once and for all I hate the fucking USA network. Every fucking show is exactly the fucking same with exactly the same fucking characters. Every show is a seriocomedy. Every show has some quarky lead character and their equally quarky supporting cast. The shows are light on story, all wrap up in the last 5 minutes and take no fucking brain power to figure out. Some exec at USA is a huge Agatha Christie fan...because that is what these shows pattern themselves after. The most frustrating show is Burn Notice...it has such a great fucking premise...the only premise of a TV show I wish I thought of...but it is done in such a PG way that it waters down any potential drama or intrigue the script my try to create...albeit in a childish way. If Burn Notice was on FX it would be the best fucking show on TV...but USA is content making a bunch of shows that are too immature to appeal to adults and too adult to appeal to kids. I just can't figure out who they are marketing these shows to...and the worst is In Plain Sight. Train wreck.

- To go along with my new job...I have decided...well...it was kind of decided for me...sort of...kind of...to move into a place on my own...something I am very, very excited about. I have only lived by myself for one year in Australia...and even then I had a...well...part time roommate for about 6 of those months. I am sure this is going to be good for me. I need my own place, start accumulating furniture...and stop living two steps above a college student...even though I like living this way. Still, moving on my own is a good thing...a very good thing. this plan could change...but I highly doubt it. Lost a roommate...gained some independence...and that can never be a bad thing.

- Spain...glorious Spain...home of the long lunch and the longer party...has won the Euro 2008 and I would like to say...and Babbles McPigman, Ex-CPO can verify...I called them as the winner from virtually the beginning. You will read it here first...Spain will win the World Cup. Great young team and they have more people than they can even put on the squad. Fast, young, and full of energy...if they play with confidence no one can beat them.

- This year...after winning the Fantasy Football league as a co-GM...and the architect of the championship season...I am again...again...branching out on my own. Lost a GM...gained freedom. I am also holding tough in my Fantasy Baseball...I am in the money...but now I lost two guys to the DL in two days and one more might be going on it soon.

One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful. - Sigmund Freud

The Return of the Mediocre

Last night, for the first time in months, I sat down to write...and I can't tell you how much better I feel...but it got me to thinking.

When i first started writing these books I wrote because i had a burning desire....something that could not be stopped. It was like knowing you need to pull the bullet lodged in your chest out as soon as possible...if not you would die. It hurt like hell, it was enough to make you laugh at the absurdity and cry at the pain...still...the whole time...the WHOLE time...you knew it needed to be done, you knew it would all be better when it was over.

Then i went through a terrible period where the pressure of prospective publishing, the dire specter of no one reading my magnificent masterpiece...boy those were some deluded times...really sucked every bit of joy I had out the process itself. One that I had come to love...and ultimately...need.

I then drug myself through the horrible...horrible is such an understatement...process of editing. Editing. To those of you who edit...I salute you. It is an art that my puny brain cannot comprehend. I am lost, totally lost in that world. I have written enough on that topic.

I finally slapped myself silly and got a grip on reality. Publishing no longer mattered, and book 4 became a great joy...not the same as the first three...I don't know if I can go back to that purity again...but I really find comfort in the act of writing.

Then...and I am not sure why it has now become an extension of my mental state and I fucking hate it. I can't understand how the hell it happened...and I hate it. I lock up sometimes, and I am not sure why. Well, I don't like it. I am not accepting it. I am going to write more, especially when I don't feel like i want to...because last night was a great release for me. I stayed up until 4am...and I could have gone on all night.

I do know how book 4 will end, and I think I have the outline for the last book...thank God!

To things more interesting:

- The Lookout. I saw it again and if you haven't seen it...it is a fucking good movie. Unexpectedly so.
- I saw Little Miss Sunshine again...for those of you who have seen it...I still laugh harder at Olive's routine than any one scene I have ever seen.
- Arsenal is in a major state of flux...it all looks looks good, but who knows. Ramsay signed today, and Nasari will sign after Euro 2008.
- The Las Vegas heat is coming. 105 today. That isn't too hot...but it means that 115 is coming soon. The bad part is that I can't go hiking until September or October. Shit, you can't do much when it is 115.
- I will be moving at the end of July into my friends condo. A upgrade from this place. This place looked nice, the price was right...and I swear to God they bait and switched us. There is no way this apartment was the one they showed us. Fuckers. Plus, every asshole in Clark County has moved in right near our apartment.
- Crest Pro Health...the best.
- Who the fuck can vote for McCain after the George Bush bullshit he preaches??

- 4.50 a gallon of gas. We could built the nuclear bomb from theory in less than 20 years...but we can't build a car that doesn't run on gas?? Bullshit. At this point getting off of foreign oil isn't just good sense...it is a matter of national security. If you want look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Motors_EV1 and watch "Who Killed The Electric Car." It will make you sick. The bottom part of the Wikipedia page has a great review of the movie and the debate over what happened. It is sad to see that the people have no power anymore. I am not some eco nut, i don't belong or support PETA, I believe in big business...but I also believe that corruption is so ingraned in the USA that it is sick. Think of this...if all of the oil companies are making record profit, and prices are soaring...and people are pissed...you are telling me that one company would cut their prices 50 cents a gallon, make half the profit...but gain a HUGE percentage of the market share and sell more gas...maybe put his competitors out of business. I am the first one to think of this?? No...it is corporate price collusion. They are gouging us, during war time...which I thought was treason? I guess it is only treason is a small business person does it...not an entire industry.

Oh well....welcome to Oblivion...strap in, turn on MTV, distract your mind and enjoy the ride...


It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. - Thomas Robert Gaines

After several inquiries to why i have been silent recently...I figured I will type something...it could be two sentences it could be the insane ramblings of an insane rambler...but here we go...and for some reason I am listening to Skid Row's Slave To The Grind...what the fuck...
that has to tell you that my life is in a weird place full of self-flagellation, mediocrity and the lack of desire for anything of quality...
anyway...

There is a lot i want to say, that i am screaming to say...but i know that if i get into it I won't really explain my situation so it will be a really lame...more lame than most...series of veiled references and innuendos that I won't explain anytime soon...so I will just avoid it all...

I will just list the mundane and call it a night...

after last nights...fuck it...i have nothing to say.I have always prided myself on being brutally...if not pathetically honest in this thing, i use it as a cathartic experience...and since i only write these for friends now I feel like i can say more than normal...but not this time.

I will just leave it at this...everything in my life is at a complete and total standstill. I can't write. I can't think straight. The pressure is starting to build and i don't have any way to really release it. Writing has been it but I am so fucking pissed, frustrated...pained...that I just can't let myself open up because I know once i do i am going to fucking really let loose...and i would rather just stay closed off and rational right now. It seems better than artistic...which gets me...in the great tradition of shitty no talent artist types...into really really stupid trouble. If i can just keep everything bottled up inside i will be be able to keep reliving every fucking moment until finally some clarity...or explosive psychosis...takes place. When i start to write i start to open up and when i open up...it isn't always good. This way i can just hold it in and hope for the best.

I doubt i will ever explain any of this...but whatever...life sucks and everyone has their own shit. I don't think you will feel incomplete without it...

indurate \IN-dur-it; -dyur-\, adjective:

1. Physically or morally hardened; unfeeling; stubborn.
2. To make hard; to harden.
3. To harden against; to make hardy; to habituate.
4. To make hardened; to make callous or stubborn.
5. To establish; to fix firmly.
6. To grow hard; to harden.
7. To become established or fixed.

It's important to have in mind that evil is essential to the order of the world and the birth of the good. - Voltaire

Vapid - Update...

Tonight something life changing happened...after years of searching, years of hunting, years of pain, years of misery, years of longing...I found it...I saw it...I bought it...I bought two. Tonight I stumbled upon Old El Paso Gordita Mix. As some would know, Jake especially, that in college I lived on these things. The gorditas are delicious and the spicy ranch dressing should be poured on everything from gorditas, chocolate cake, fish, a woman's flat stomach, and all points in between. I don't have to tell you that those lovely pieces of heaven will be consumed draft weekend.

With the good comes the bad...tonight I was embarrassed to love Pennsylvania. I don't think I have to say why. The embracing of evil fascinates me.

With the good and the bad comes the best...THE FLYERS WON!!! Go Flyers!!!

Utterings from the Unknown

Just some randomness on a beautiful Las Vegas day...

- I just picked up another version of Candide...my favorite book. This one is terrific, the Norton Critical 2nd Edition. If you haven't read the book, and you want to, I would buy this one.

- I am waiting for another book to arrive, a book I have been recommended many, many times...but never read. I am not sure why, but I am excited about reading it...it is called Confederacy Of Dunces.

- Serra vs. St. Pierre...I saw it...terrible.

- Arsenal is out of contention for any silverware this year...again. That sucked.

- Still love my new phone.

- Artie Lange was not fired...discuss amongst yourselves.

- The greatest weekend in the world is about to take place...it is what every man, woman and child should celebrate in song and dance...of course it can only be one thing...NFL DRAFT! This year is going to be great ladies and gents...the Dolphins stole a little of the suspense with the announcement today...but this first round should be really good.
Of course to celebrate my lovely mother will be sending the greatest snack food ever...the dessert of all desserts...the dessert in the desert...Tastycakes. I am sure I announced this before but it should be announced on the front page of all media outlets...there is now double iced Tastycakes...to anyone who knows of the joy...the pure and utter bliss of Tastycakes...you know what a great fucking thing that is...what coma inducing pleasure it can cause.

- I saw the Movie "23" with Jim Carrey...I was told the movie was going to be fucking horrible. I didn't feel that way at all. I didn't think it was good, and the middle let the movie down considerably...but all in all..there is a lot worse shit out there. For example, the infamous and filth loving Babbles McPigman POY CPO, is right now seeing the new Jet Li and Jackie Chan movie...that must be shit of the highest order. Can you imagine what color the sky is in the alternative universe where that movie could be good? My guess...mauve.

- I have made a terribly disturbing discovery...something odd...something unusual...something disconcerting. My fantasy baseball team in in the top half of the league...which is a good thing...except...I DID NOT DRAFT THE TEAM!!! The last 4 years I was in the bottom part, except once, and I drafted those teams. So I should be happy...but I just don't know what to think of a team where I didn't draft the players doing much better than a team I did draft.

- Flyers are going into a 7th game.

- I saw "American Pie" for the first time in a long time...and I have to say that "suck my beautiful" might be the funniest line in cinematic history...that is a disturbed write. Amen.


The writing is going well, and the job hunt is still going...I would get more into that...but it isn't the time right now. Not at all. When I get a chance...when the time is right...I will post something about it...it is fascinating.

Stay classy cyber geeks.


It's important to have in mind that evil is essential to the order of the world and the birth of the good. - Voltaire

Majority Report

An update for those who have requested a blog...yes...the level of depravity has truly hit rock bottom.

I am still out of work, which isn't a bad thing. I am taking my time to find the right job this time. I am not rushing into anything...not that I have really been beating the bushes too hard. Perhaps I should considering this fucking idiot we have BBQ'ing in the White House has tanked this economy harder than a Japanese Zero pilot on a kamikaze mission. On a quick aside...can we start a movement to sterilize anyone who is a still Bush supporter? Before you answer...think of this...can we keep this stupidity in the gene pool and still hope for a better world? Anyway...I am starting to look for work more...but the joys of writing and Las Vegas have kept me very busy.

...still with my limited and very particular job search I have been contacted by some good companies and I will be working on that much more over the next few weeks. I hate not working and it if wasn't for the writing I would have gone crazy by now. I have some interesting things in the works...some very, very fascinating inquiries...some that would absolutely shock and surprise the vast majority of the readers. I will stay quiet for now until I hear more things. Things are definitely interesting.

...writing...it has been so good. I have been really on fire and I am starting to close in on the end of book 4...which will absolutely mean that there will be a 5th book that will go unread. I don't care, I love writing and I don't care if anyone else reads it. I just want to do what i love, and i don't care if anyone knows it. A major mental breakthrough for me and it has liberated my thinking...which has made for some great writing. It is a shame that no one will read it because this book is just amazing...and dear God would it piss off so many people...I have said that before...and I will also say I never meant to do it...the idea came from nowhere and very organically.

I got my new phone...it kicks ass. It is a damn good phone and now I can use it for a while...until the 3g iPhone makes it's debut.

Now for the bad...

...Arsenal lost on the most bullshit of bullshit calls...so no Champions League title this year. no silverware at all. A crushing defeat. This one hurt.

...other than that...nothing bad. Life is actually pretty good. Warm, sunny and breezy here in paradise. Enjoy yourself.

The reputation you develop for intellectual and ethical integrity will be your greatest asset or your worst enemy. You will be judged by your judgment. ... There is no victory, no advantage, no fee, no favor, which is worth even a blemish on your reputation for intellect and integrity. ... Dents to [your] reputation are irreparable. - Vincent Foster.

A Tale Of Three Tales

This blog is a tale of 3 tales. A boy who found decency at great personal peril. A woman who found pure evil strike straight to the American psyche. A question of decency and evil.

I watched a South African film called Tsotsi tonight. I make these recommendations with great resrvation because everyone has their own tastes. This film I couldn't keep my praise silent simply because I don't think many people will seen South African films...but I highly suggest if you have the opportunity take the time and watch. It is the kind of film that can never be made in the good ole USA because we turn our heads at stark reality and beautiful brutality. We like our reality distinctively not real...take a look at all these shitty "reality" tv shows. Reality is the farthest thing from any of them, but still we watch...fictional reality...what a fucking concept. Tsotsi is too complex and too real for most of America to stomach. It is a commendable tale of redemption and decency...the kind of uncomfortable moral grey zone we do not like. Black and White. Good and Bad. Coke or Pepsi. We are the land of the obtuse and of the obese. Sadly we are getting more obtuse and more obese. I wonder if this was what Rome was like right before the fall. A populus unable to to comprehend the degredation of greatness...if it was every great at all.

In the USA our degredation of greatness goes on unabaded. When given the chance between hope and fear...for the second straight election season...the American public has given fear another chance to win. I never get political on this thing, but ladies and germs if you don't see Hillary Clinton as pure evil I question your ability to understand anything. Forget the obvouls lies, deceptions, distortions, and criminal activity...if you can. Forget Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Troopergate, and her declaration of a "vast right wing conspiracy"...before she found out about the blue dress...and she politicize her husbands affair...for their own ends. Forget about the mysterious deaths of Vince Foster and Trooper Parks. Forget about STEALING FURNITURE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE! Forget about the fact that she has no international experince. Forget about the fact that she has done nothing of note for NY, and that she is a democratic senator in a large democartic state with heavy union influence and can practically run itself. Forget about the fact that she will REQUIRE you to buy insurance if you want it or not. Forget about it all if you can...because her version of Karl Rove will scare you, she will spread her evil into your all to willing hearts. She will make you think Obama is a muslim, that she will answer that ringing phone in the middle of the night...like she did when she voted to invade Iraq and get us into all of this shit. Embrace the horror that she will spoon feed you all. George Bush Jr. did the same thing...and it worked so well. Why not have another lying career politician who takes almost all special interest money and won't give a fuck about you. Forget it all...she has scared your cowardly hearts...and it will work. Evil beats good all the time...get ready to not only watch it happen...but for most of you...you will participate in it. If you get the evil on you...embrace it...roll around in it...love it...don't hate it because you need it...try to believe it and hide your eyes from everything else.

Lastly, a story of the nature of good and evil...what consititutes evil...would one bad act make someone irrevicably broken. I can't get into specifics because it is a chapter of one of my never to be read books...but it asks a simple question...with no possible answer...what is it that makes someone "bad." Can one bad act erase all of the good? I took my idea from a true story...do your own research...it is about a murder in the Peace Corps. No answer. No truth. No epiphany. Just the moral abyss. The quagmire of individual judgement from a society who needs to judge everyone.

On a lighter note...see what writing does to me...

Arsenal beat AC Milan to advance in the Champions League. The first EPL team to beat AC Milan in Italy.

The Wire ends on Sunday...and that is a shame. One of the best TV shows of all times, and for all of you who are still...personal attack deleted...that think the Sopranos was any good whatsoever...you have never seen The Wire. It blows that shitty go nowhere show away.

The iPhone is finally becoming more business friendly...about time. When the 3G version comes out...game over.

Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations is easily the funniest thing on TV.

If there is one thing upon this earth that mankind love and admire better than another, it is a brave man, -- it is the man who dares to look the devil in the face and tell him he is a devil. - James A. Garfield

perfunctory publishing

The mailbag was full this week, and it has forced me back into responding to things I write about...but that will end soon...and I blame myself entirely for this one.

When I start typing it is a mix of sarcasm, a black sense of humor, and honesty...with some shit that I write just to fuck with you and me...but that is a very small part of it. I have Todd "I probably shouldn't be saying this..." Clem disease. Some things I should type but I don't really think about it to be honest with you, and I just push out my thoughts. I don't like censoring myself so I write what I write and let the chips fall as they may.

I said that I might write something for this blog, but then I listed why I won't...in my mind despite saying maybe I put this issue to bed as I was writing it. It was me talking to me more than typing it for this blog. I will end this by saying, as nice as the emails were I am NOT going to write any fiction for this or any other blog. I do like the idea of writing some pulp stuff as writing exercises, but those aren't going to be a fair representation of my talents or of the direction I want my writing to go. I find the idea of writing some pulp stories PERSONALLY interesting, because it goes so far against who i am as a writer that it would be very, very difficult for me...despite my overwhelming love and respect for the works of James Ellroy.

I write short stories fairly frequently now and i don't post them...why would I do this. It would come off very badly because I am not a pulp writer and I am not claiming to be, I just need to learn brevity and I think those feeble attempts are best done where no one is subjected to read them. In the words of the great politician, Mayor Quimby, "may all of your disgraces be private ones." I do want to thank all of you who voiced support for this idea, but it ain't going to happen. There is no upside to it for me...maybe I am not seeing it but since I don't...

Arsenal is now 5 points up on the table.

Can you think of anyone more pathetic than someone who watches the Grammys? The Grammys weren't cool 15 years ago...now they are just fucking pathetic.

This is a great prank - http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080211/ap_on_fe_st/odd_chickens_in_school

Obama is rolling...and I have to wonder...I like him...but is this more of the JFK vs. Nixon election. Hillary, by all accounts one scary fucking cunt...looks bad...and Obama playing the slick good looking politician running on "change." I have no fucking idea what "change" is coming...I don't think anyone does...but I like it for some reason. Instead of Style vs. Substance...it is Satan vs. Style.

Psychiatry is the new religion.
Oprah is the new Jesus.
Redemption isn't worth it anymore.


Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well. - Danish proverb

Undistorted

Ah...being right about the Giants was not only rewarding financially...but is was so great to see the Patriots lose...and Tom Brady's all too perfect life get a little dose of reality. Those of you who took my great gambling advice I would like to say that so far my blogs have been 100% when it comes to gambling predictions. Of course on this I think I am only 3-0...but when the Gaming God gives you his picks...bet the house on it...literally...bet your house on it.

Legal Disclaimer: All sports predictions are for entertainment purposes only...you would have to be a fucking retard to listen to someone who blogs.

I love many of you...but honestly...I wonder about some of your reading comprehension...I was never going to comment on the blogs again because I got tired of it...but this time I will break with my rule and say this...THE LAST POST WAS NOT ABOUT A PERSON!!! Dear God Almighty I have no idea where the fuck that came from...but it was not. I cannot give any more details because I just don't want to start shit for loved ones...but if it ever comes out I will explain it all.

I will say that I found it interesting that many people wanted to know the "who." Which really is the great thing about writing...the readers got to put their own lives and their own situations into the story and when it was filtered out of their brain their own lives were interjected. People got to take from it what they want...they took from it what they needed...and applied it to what I wrote...and that is why I love writing...which answers the next question...

...why do I love Stranger Than Fiction as much as I do...and it is very, very simple...that movie explains why I love writing...why it is so special and so powerful...and so sad that less people do it all the time.

...I have been asked what I am reading right now...because I don't read much...if at all...when i write...I have been better about not absorbing what I read and put it into my writing...but my newest read isn't just a great read...but it is a learning experience for me...it is teaching me...yes...yes...me...brevity...yes...yes...I wrote "brevity" and "me" in the same string of words. The book is a fabulous collections of pulps from the Golden Age of pulps...it is called The Black Lizard Big Book of Pulps. Excellent collection, and I am really learning as I enjoy myself.

Lastly...I am considering ripping off Stephen King...but I doubt I will. Over the last few weeks I have been asked more than at any time in the last few years to read some of the stuff I have written and keep blabbering about incessantly...that is something I am unwilling to do for most people...BUT...I have thought about this...writing a weekly serial and post it under my blogs...as much fun as it would be for me...this is why I won't do it:

1) it would be a PURE stream of conscience piece for me. I would not have anything more than a simple idea...
2) it would NOT be edited.
3) it would not be rewritten for errors.
4) it would be a very rough draft just for friends who feel like reading what I wrote.
5) I don't feel like reading 30 emails about my grammar and punctuation.
6) I am writing my 4th book and I would rather write for an audice of 1 than explain myself to a wider audience.
7) I know it would be pulp inspired...I would like to come up with a classic pulp character and have some fun playing with the common pulp themes.
8) It would be INTENTIONALLY low brow...just dime store novel type stuff.

All of those reasons and many more will keep my from writing my little pulp serial. Maybe I will post it somewhere else and if people want to read it they can email me, get the link...as long as they promise to never tell me what they think...I don't know...



Nothing will sustain you more potently than the power to recognize in your humdrum routine, as perhaps it may be thought, the true poetry of life. - Sir William Osler

Aberrant Transfiguration

This blog will appear to be as pompous as the title might indicate...

...there is a lot I would like to say, I hate fucking being cryptic but if I say what I want to say there is at least one little fucker here that will run like the asshole they are to tell people and it will get back to someone and people close to me will catch some shit...plus a lot of people read this shit and i don't have that many friends here...which makes me wonder what the fuck is up. I am very close to just blocking the profile...i think that is stupid but it might just be best.

...so...I am going to just give you the lesson learned...but without the back story there is going to be woefully incomplete...

...I have been wrong. That is the real bottom line. Shocker, huh? Me...wrong...seems inconceivable...suspend your disbelief and keep reading. For a while now I have believed something to the core of my being....something that goes against everything that I hold fundamental to my philosophy of life...it is hard for me to nutshell this...but here we go...

...when life is going along well we are all very quick to give ourselves the credit...self-glorification is almost the national pastime...second only to...blaming anything else for the things that have gone wrong...I have made that mistake...I have fallen prey to that folly...I love how fucking pretentious that fragment is...but it is true nonetheless...

...I have assigned near mythical powers to my object of blame...and honestly...it was comforting...it was familiar...it was the necessary distraction that allowed me the time to come to grips with the real truth...and the real truth about life is this...

...shit happens...but it is our reactions to the shit that have as much if not more impact than the event that invades our little worlds...life is the sum of our actions and reactions...nothing more...nothing less...

...situations come...shit happens...life for all of its majesty can really fucking hurt...but is our reactions to those obstacles...to those challenges...to the unexpected...that define who we are...and thank God for it...how fucked is it to be judged by what happened to us and not our reactions...

...I have assigned my challenges a bogeyman that has alleviated my guilt and shielded me from my own culpability...because of it I have missed out on things that I should not have...but I am happy that I have come to my senses...I am happier seeing my own faults than I was placing blame...okay...enough of that...

I have been asked to blog more...seriously...and my answer for that is...I will try...but when I really start writing heavily blogging for me becomes burdensome...and I have a tendency to say too much because I can't go from complete honesty in my books to this blog where I censor myself regularly...believe it or not...so that is that answer.

Writing is going well.

Arsenal won and is on top of the table...root for Portsmith tomorrow...

Bit of sad news...Sprint has laid off 4000 employees after losing 685,000 subscribers in one quarter...so I am out of a job...for now...but things are looking good...I am okay with it...and won't be out of work for very long...oh well...

The Last King of Scotland was a great movie...and I saw Stranger Than Fiction again...and I can't tell you how much I love it. Great movie.

I will leave you all with this last great bit of advice...if the point spread stays at 12 vote for the Giants...if it goes down take the Patriots heavy...you read it hear first...


"Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know." - Andre Maurois