The Return of the Mediocre

Last night, for the first time in months, I sat down to write...and I can't tell you how much better I feel...but it got me to thinking.

When i first started writing these books I wrote because i had a burning desire....something that could not be stopped. It was like knowing you need to pull the bullet lodged in your chest out as soon as possible...if not you would die. It hurt like hell, it was enough to make you laugh at the absurdity and cry at the pain...still...the whole time...the WHOLE time...you knew it needed to be done, you knew it would all be better when it was over.

Then i went through a terrible period where the pressure of prospective publishing, the dire specter of no one reading my magnificent masterpiece...boy those were some deluded times...really sucked every bit of joy I had out the process itself. One that I had come to love...and ultimately...need.

I then drug myself through the horrible...horrible is such an understatement...process of editing. Editing. To those of you who edit...I salute you. It is an art that my puny brain cannot comprehend. I am lost, totally lost in that world. I have written enough on that topic.

I finally slapped myself silly and got a grip on reality. Publishing no longer mattered, and book 4 became a great joy...not the same as the first three...I don't know if I can go back to that purity again...but I really find comfort in the act of writing.

Then...and I am not sure why it has now become an extension of my mental state and I fucking hate it. I can't understand how the hell it happened...and I hate it. I lock up sometimes, and I am not sure why. Well, I don't like it. I am not accepting it. I am going to write more, especially when I don't feel like i want to...because last night was a great release for me. I stayed up until 4am...and I could have gone on all night.

I do know how book 4 will end, and I think I have the outline for the last book...thank God!

To things more interesting:

- The Lookout. I saw it again and if you haven't seen it...it is a fucking good movie. Unexpectedly so.
- I saw Little Miss Sunshine again...for those of you who have seen it...I still laugh harder at Olive's routine than any one scene I have ever seen.
- Arsenal is in a major state of flux...it all looks looks good, but who knows. Ramsay signed today, and Nasari will sign after Euro 2008.
- The Las Vegas heat is coming. 105 today. That isn't too hot...but it means that 115 is coming soon. The bad part is that I can't go hiking until September or October. Shit, you can't do much when it is 115.
- I will be moving at the end of July into my friends condo. A upgrade from this place. This place looked nice, the price was right...and I swear to God they bait and switched us. There is no way this apartment was the one they showed us. Fuckers. Plus, every asshole in Clark County has moved in right near our apartment.
- Crest Pro Health...the best.
- Who the fuck can vote for McCain after the George Bush bullshit he preaches??

- 4.50 a gallon of gas. We could built the nuclear bomb from theory in less than 20 years...but we can't build a car that doesn't run on gas?? Bullshit. At this point getting off of foreign oil isn't just good sense...it is a matter of national security. If you want look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Motors_EV1 and watch "Who Killed The Electric Car." It will make you sick. The bottom part of the Wikipedia page has a great review of the movie and the debate over what happened. It is sad to see that the people have no power anymore. I am not some eco nut, i don't belong or support PETA, I believe in big business...but I also believe that corruption is so ingraned in the USA that it is sick. Think of this...if all of the oil companies are making record profit, and prices are soaring...and people are pissed...you are telling me that one company would cut their prices 50 cents a gallon, make half the profit...but gain a HUGE percentage of the market share and sell more gas...maybe put his competitors out of business. I am the first one to think of this?? No...it is corporate price collusion. They are gouging us, during war time...which I thought was treason? I guess it is only treason is a small business person does it...not an entire industry.

Oh well....welcome to Oblivion...strap in, turn on MTV, distract your mind and enjoy the ride...


It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. - Thomas Robert Gaines