My Last Night

...in my apartment. The moving day is just a few hours away.

I have to admit that I am not entirely thrilled about this move, but it is what it is, and it will happen if I am less than thrilled or not.

I fully recognize that I am someone who puts down roots rather quickly, especially when I am happy. I see the idea of "home" as being very transient. Reasons that I will just leave untyped for now...it isn't germane to this blast of self-indulgence. The idea of "home" to me is where you are and where you are happy, not some mythical place of my youth or some idealized version of what the future will hold. Regardless, this apartment is home to me. But...it is more than that...

I think this apartment will have a special affinity for apartment the way I have for Plattsburgh. To me both places have been oasis's in the storms of my life. I ran to Plattsburgh to escape the scum sucking shithole known as New Jersey. I have run to Las Vegas, my desert oasis, from the scum sucking shithole known as New Jersey. I love Las Vegas and it has been good to me, and many of those times revolve around this place.

I still remember seeing this place for the first time. I swear to you that I know how Moses felt when he saw the promise land...except my journey was in a car...but we did go to a desert. I honestly felt liberated the night we moved in...we went to a bar, got drunk and celebrated our new found freedom. What a wonderful evening. The warm dry air, the lights of the Strip, the newness of the city, the euphoria of coming off a grueling road trip. It was truly special.

I am trying to see this move as a cleansing of sort, and keep it in perspective...I am only going ten blocks away. Still, in my mind I associate that escape from New Jersey and this apartment so closely that I am not able to be really happy about this, yet.

I will be offline for a few days.

I wept because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.
- Persian saying